Sheesh! They have an association.

of the Washington, D.C. Metropolitan Area

From the "Talking to Your Wife" page.  Comments in red are mine.

ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT

The following is quoted from When Husbands Come Out of the Closet by Jean Schaar Gochros (Harrington Park Press, 1989). Gochros holds a doctorate in social work. Her book is based on extensive interviews with women whose husbands are gay. In Chapter 10, she provides advice to wives and husbands and summarizes the general conclusions of her study.   Set forth below are brief excerpts.
Gochros general advice is encapsulated in a comment that she quotes from one of her interviewees: "Tell my husband I'm trying to understand. But I don't know what he thinks or how he feels. Tell him not to shut me out. Tell him to talk to me!"
Advice to Wives
1. Having company in one's misery doesn't necessarily make one happy, but it does help to relieve the sense of isolation. So try to remember that you are not alone. You are in an extremely large crowd.
2. Try to remember that you are not alone in the kinds of feelings you have had, presently have, or may have in the future. Whether those feelings are positive, negative, or simply confused and ever changingthey have been shared by others.
3. If you have just learned of the homosexuality, try not to panic, and avoid hasty, impulsive decision. Your marriage is not necessarily doomed, and it may well improve. You have many options. Like staying married to a man who has lied to you about his sexual orientation and has most likely cheated on you?
4. Try not to blame yourself and don't accept others blaming you foryour husband's homosexual thoughts or behaviors. You did not cause either his homosexual feelings or actions.  Amen!
5. Avoid letting this issue take over your life. Uh... it's a little hard to NOT let it take over your life when the rug has just been pulled out from under you.
6. Shutting the door and pretending the homosexuality doesn't exist is not helpful to you in the long run. You need to confront the issues squarely.
7. Be prepared for periods of confusion, anger, depression, discouragement, turmoil, stress, and mood changes. Ya think???
8. Be patient with yourself. The situation you are facing can be complex and confusing.
9. Try to look beyond the homosexuality in assessing your options and in how you solve both big and little problems in your marriage. You also need to stand up for your own rights, ask the questions you need to ask, and insist on the same flexibility, consideration, and understanding from your husband that he asks and expects from you.
10. Don't blame yourself for your choice of husband. You probably had good reason. Now you need to examine those reasons. Do they still exist? Are the qualities you liked before still there?  You also need to find a good psychologist and the best divorce lawyer in town.
11. You may need to explore new sexual options. Can you accept the possibility of an open-sexual contract that allows for extramarital sex? If so, what ground rules can you set?  Are you prepared for the fact your ex may give you STDs?  Don't even consider this.
12. Don't try to struggle with this situation alone. It simply becomes too confusing. Get professional counseling quickly before confusion sets in. Try not to isolate yourself. Talk with others and to learn the art of coping with stigma. But be cautious in dealing with straight society.   Okay, so I already told you to get a good counselor.  And confide in your best friends who won't be judgmental.  Your gay husband's stigma doesn't have to be yours. 
Advice to Husbands
1. There is no pat rule for whether to tell or when to tell a wife about homosexual needs and either past or present activity. Honesty is usually (though not always) the best policy. Usually, the sooner you talk with your wife, the less "betrayed" she will feel.  Honesty is NOT the best policy???  Since when?
2. "Honesty" should not become equated with "cruelty" and must be tempered with sensitivity.
3. Try to make your disclosures as positive as possible in your timing and sensitivity to your wife's feelings.
4. Do your best to avoid making promises that you do not intend or may not be able to keep, and be scrupulously honest in obeying both the spirit and the letter of any contracts you make.
5. You need to be prepared for and willing to suffer through your wife's anger, grief, and hurt. Try to meet her feelings with empathy and understanding. Wives, don't be surprised when he has no empathy for you.  He probably won't give a damn that you are suffering.  If you want sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis.  If you're really lucky, you'll find it from good friends and a good counselor.
6. Help her cope with stigma. It is as real a problem for her as it has been and will be for you.  He's not going to care about this either. 
7. Try not to feel railroaded by others into choosing between marriage and homosexual expression. You have options. If you and your wife can work out a mutually satisfying contract, there is no reason why you should not do so. If you cannot honestly commit yourself to and be happy in a heterosexual relationship, don't string your wife along.  There is no such thing as a mutually satisfying contract between a gay man and a straight woman.  Period.  Eventually, his suppressed feelings will explode to the surface and he's going to find other men.  The sooner you can get out, the sooner you can start to build a new life free of the lies and betrayal.

In my opinion, this group has good intentions but a lot of bad advice.  Gay men should be encouraged to come clean with their wives as soon as possible and not fight them in divorce court.  When you've stolen years of a woman's life -- years she could have spent with a man who would love her with real passion -- you have no right to make the divorce difficult.

Grow a set and do the right thing.

Providing peer counseling, support, and outreach to gay and bisexual married men, their wives, partners, and friends.


I wanted GAMMA to be a place where people who feel this special kind of love would be welcomed and accepted. I wanted to create a framework for discussion that was respectful and humane, for ourselves, our wives, and others. — Joshua, one of the founders of GAMMA

What is GAMMA?

GAMMA is a peer support group for men who:

• Identify themselves as gay or bisexual or are simply attracted to men, and
• Are now or have been in a relationship with a woman, or are contemplating such a relationship.

Some members are in satisfying, conventional marriages, some in less happy ones. Some are separated or divorced, some have lovers. Some have never had a sexual experience with a man and some have worked out unique living arrangements.

Some have had free and open discussions with their spouses and children. Others have never spoken to anyone about their feelings.

All are welcome and should find among us others who share their experience.

GAMMA has no official party line. It neither encourages nor discourages its members from relationships with their wives or other women. Rather, it seeks to assist each man to find his own best road to travel in life. Much of this is accomplished through open, candid, and sympathetic sharing of thoughts, experiences and feelings.

At meetings, you can say as little or as much as you like. Most attendees introduce themselves using only their first name and then describe their current situation and issues. The discussions during the rest of the evening depend on the interests of the group. There are typically about 10 people in attendance – with ages ranging from the 20's on up. The men's group is just a bunch of guys discussing their issues, so don't be shy... there's nothing bizarre going on here!

Support for Wives

Support for wives is available through the Straight Spouse Network.