Here's the first one:
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If I Do the Right Thing
Here's what the guy writes regarding his blog:
What is this blog about?
After 24 years together my wife Gabbie has decided that we should be best-friends who share a platonic bed.
We're both 44. I feel like we're too young to settle for a best-friends marriage. Besides, I'm gay.
Right now I'm trying to juggle a changed relationship with my wife - something I have very mixed feelings about - and raising three kids and finding a man to date.
How do I blend my old life with my new one? How and when do I come out to my kids? Can I let go of my commitment to my wife enough to make a commitment to a man? Will any man want to make a commitment to me?
Only time and new experiences will tell...
I know what the right thing is. What do YOU think?
Maggie,
ReplyDeleteHe's one of the good ones. He really does want a monogamous relationship with his wife. Sure there are issues in the relationship but I think if he had his way, they could be happy together.
Have you talked to him? You may want to email him and discuss things. You'll like and respect him if you give him a chance.
Donna
Cameron is deeply conflicted. He is very worried about his wife, but I fear in the end, his marriage will not last. At least in his situation, everyone's cards are on the table.
ReplyDeleteCameron and I have emailed back and forth. I do think at heart he is very conflicted and concerned. I know it cannot be easy to be gay in today's society and to be gay and married. I've always said my ex had no choice about being gay, but he had a huge choice about being a whore.
ReplyDeleteI don't think his marriage SHOULD last. Both of them need to be free to be who they are and to pursue relationships with people who can truly love them. But that's my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
This is kind of fun. Normally when you hear what people REALLY think about you, it's third-hand and therefore of questionable reliability. It's a rare treat to know what people honestly think.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents about Cameron is that he is not deeply conflicted. If he was, he'd be much more unhappy. He's just tired of uncertainty.
The whole question about whether his marriage SHOULD last is fundamental. Jim says no. Maggie says no. Lots of others say leave it to the two people in the relationship. With three teenagers, 25 years of history, and good relations between him and his wife, it seems rash to say "end it." OTOH, when his wife says she's not attracted to him and never will be, what's the point? The intimacy of sex is the foundation of a marriage but aren't there literally millions of people who contentedly live in asexual marriages? If sex counts for as much as 60% of a "normal" marriage, what about the other 40% that becomes 100% in a MoM?
If I were to make a rule about MoMs, I would side with Jim and Maggie. They are flawed and not a good idea. Then I would accept that there are rare exceptions to rules, like when the cards are on the table and each spouse agrees to live that way.
Feel free to talk about Cameron some more. He likes the attention.
My marriage was asexual for the last 5 years of it because my ex had convinced me he had erectile dysfunction. And based on the last time we had sex, I had no reason to doubt him. But I've seen what he spends on Cialis every month so he's able to perform with someone who has the right body parts.
ReplyDeleteI was accepting of the ED because it was something beyond my husband's control. I trusted him when he said that was the problem, because that's what married people do -- trust each other. But he took advantage of my trust and lied big time.
Now I understand why sex was never good for us. And for thirty-something years I thouoght it was all my fault.
Damn that sorry bastard! At least I didn't catch any of his diseases.
Ah sheesh. I just figured it all out. Cameron is talking about himself in the third person, which in and of itself is a little odd.
ReplyDeleteWe won't give Cameron any more attention than we need to. He'll get a big head -- the one atop his neck. ;-)
Maybe Cameron has seen the "Jimmy" episode of Seinfeld a few too many times.
ReplyDeleteThe ED excuse is far more widespread than I would have guessed. I now consider it a major indicator. Another straight wife and I recently talked about her husband-in-denial. She's ready to move on but they cannot afford to live apart. They haven't been intimate for a while. The joke is that he keeps buying ED meds. Why, she asked him. His answer: he's stocking up in case the prices increase.
On a more serious note, the fact that your husband couldn't perform may have been the "best" problem ever. First, it gave you a big clue about the truth. And second, it may have saved you from being infected with HIV.
It's great that you're working so diligently to raise awareness among straight wives and gay husbands. Good work Maggie!
Because I trusted my ex, as spouses in a "good" marriage do, I believed he had ED. Being gay never ever crossed my mind. It wasn't a clue to anything except he was getting older, as was I. The second "best" problem was indeed good for me.
ReplyDeleteMy ex keeps buying ED meds so he can perform with his partner. This kinda confuses me since he's a bottom (yeah, I know, TMI). And the man who moaned that my alimony was going to bankrupt him, pays about $125 a month for these pills. Bankrupt indeed. :-/
I feel for that woman who can't afford to move out. I can tell you from experience that it is pure HELL to live with someone you no longer love and who has zero respect for you. I had to live under the same roof with my ex for 8 1/2 months after I learned he was gay and cheating. And during all that time, he continued to troll the internet for sex partners while asking me if I "really wanted a divorce."
Yeah, I did. I'm happier now, though still harboring a lot of anger. I can only guess he is since he's living with a man and they have a much nicer lifestyle than I do. But money isn't everything, is it?