Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Thankfully, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military is gone. It's over and done with. Now I don't expect that every gay soldier will come out immediately, but it's surely a good start for everyone. Gay and lesbian soldiers don't have to hide anymore. They can be who they are -- who God made them. And for that, I'm truly glad.

But Kiri Blakely, a writer for the Forbes website, had a very good post about another aspect of DADT. Here's her article:

Now that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has been repealed in the military, gay servicemen and servicewomen can no longer be discharged because of their sexual orientation. This allows them to tell friends, family, and colleagues about their orientation—should they choose to do so. Some already have.

One American soldier stationed in Germany, who had previously only videotaped himself from the neck down for an anonymous video log, has come out -- out to his father, mother, comrades—even his girlfriend.

His father told him: “I will always love you. This doesn’t change our relationship.” (No word on what the girlfriend had to say.)

Unfortunately, not all men and women are following his lead. Many people still choose the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy in their personal life. Take this ad, posted tonight on Craigslist’s Men for Men section (and slightly toned down here): “GF [girlfriend] left town and I’m looking for a hot safe time. Very discreet and masculine white bi guy looking to *** with a similar bud. Totally *** up and open, safety and discretion are key.”

Here’s another, very typical, one: “Married good looking hot stud here looking for some fun while in town.”

I hate to break it to these guys but there is no “safe time” or “fun” for the women who love them, trust them, are planning their futures with them, and possibly are home taking care of their house and children. It’s not “safe” and “fun” for those women emotionally, financially, psychologically, and not even physically. There are venereal diseases that can be spread even with the use of a condom—including the Human papillomavirus or HPV.

I would also say to these men, if they don’t want to think of their wives and girlfriends, to think about themselves. Why are you doing this? What kind of life do you want for yourself, constantly living in the shadows of lies and suffering the fear of being discovered? Even if she doesn’t discover it, which she probably will, why do you want to live a double life?

Millions of women and men who find themselves in mixed-orientation marriages and relationships have turned to networks like Straight Spouse Network and Straight Wives for emotional support. I can tell you firsthand that these men and women, and their children, are devastated when they discover their significant other was lying to them and cheating on them.

I understand that you may be scared, or ashamed, or humiliated, or simply not want to be gay. But at least, in that case, be single!

Or, you can be brave. Just like that soldier who came out today.
Kiri is a straight spouse too, so she's writing from experience. Actually, she has a book about her experience -- Can't Think Straight: A Mixed-Up Memoir of Love. I think many of us can relate.

So to all the married guys on the downlow, BE BRAVE. Stop with the lies and do the right thing by your wife.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

She Doesn't Know

If this wasn't so true, it might be funny. I didn't know either. Is it a coincidence that a song about men on the downlow has that bass-heavy club beat?

She Doesn't Know by Hussy Cowboy

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dr. Drew's Take


I can't imbed the video.  You'll just have to click on it and watch it at the CNN site.

There's some very interesting stuff here.

These men dictate laws and change people's lives.  They lead secret lives, condemn gays and lesbians yet are gay themselves.  It's time they started suffering from their own poor legislation like the rest of the GLBT community, don't you think?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

In Remembrance 9-11-2001

So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

Martin Luther King,  August 28, 1963

9/11 Memorial Pool at the site of the World Trade Center in New York City

Thursday, September 8, 2011

And the Bible Tells Me So

This fabulous clip from the TV show "The West Wing" illustrates beautifully how fundamentalists pick and choose which verses of the Bible to adhere to. The quite obvious nod to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, whose Ph.D. is in physiology, not psychology is priceless.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Here we go again

From the Huffington Post

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — A Puerto Rico lawmaker has resigned following reports that explicit photos of him surfaced on an iPhone application for gays and bisexuals, the head of the U.S. territory's Senate announced Sunday.

Sen. Roberto Arango, a Republican who represents the capital of San Juan for the island's governing party, presented his letter of resignation after a weekend meeting, Senate President Thomas Rivera Schatz said.

Schatz did not release the lawmaker's letter, but said the circumstances that led to the resignation "are very lamentable."

Local news media published photos from the application showing a man's nude upper body with a cell phone obscuring his face. Another photo showed a rear view of a nude man on his hands and knees. Another showed a fuzzy image of a face that seemed to match Arango's.

Arango has neither confirmed nor denied suggestions by local media that the photos might be of him and apparently was not asked if he had posted them. During a recent interview with WAPA TV in Puerto Rico, the senator said he has taken pictures of himself with a cell phone to document his recent weight loss.

"I really don't remember having taken those pictures of myself, but it doesn't mean I didn't take them," he told the station. "I really don't remember."

Arango did not return calls Sunday.

A graduate of Louisiana State University and a food importer before turning to politics, he was chairman of a business council for the national Republican Party and municipal director of the Republican Party in Puerto Rico, according to his Web page for Puerto Rico's Senate.

Pedro Julio Serrano, founder of the gay rights group Puerto Rico for Everyone, said Arango voted in favor of Resolution 99, a proposal that would block any attempt to permit same-sex marriages in the U.S. territory. He also helped block a measure to ban sexual discrimination in the workplace and opposed adoption rights for gays.

"This isn't a moment to kick someone when he's down, but I have to denounce Sen. Roberto Arango's complicity with a fundamentalist agenda that promotes the exclusion and marginalization of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people," Serrano said Sunday.

Local news media said that the pictures first appeared on an iPhone application for gays and bisexuals and that they themselves later received copies from unidentified sources.

In recent days, Puerto Rican Gov. Luis Fortuno had said that if the man was indeed a legislator, he should resign. That echoed the sentiments of other lawmakers, including local House Speaker Jenniffer Gonzalez.

You'd think these lawmakers would learn that a ticket on the hypocrisy train is a very costly one. It's usually one-way and goes straight to hell.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I Don't Bi It

From the NY Times

No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist
Published: August 22, 2011

In an unusual scientific about-face, researchers at Northwestern University have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, sexually aroused by both women and men.

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

In both studies, men watched videos of male and female same-sex intimacy while genital sensors monitored their erectile responses. While the first study reported that the bisexuals generally resembled homosexuals in their responses, the new one finds that bisexual men responded to both the male and female videos, while gay and straight men in the study did not.

Both studies also found that bisexuals reported subjective arousal to both sexes, notwithstanding their genital responses. “Someone who is bisexual might say, ‘Well, duh!’” said Allen Rosenthal, the lead author of the new Northwestern study and a doctoral student in psychology at the university. “But this will be validating to a lot of bisexual men who had heard about the earlier work and felt that scientists weren’t getting them.”

The Northwestern study is the second one published this year to report a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal among bisexual men.

In March, a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior reported the results of a different approach to the question. As in the Northwestern study, the researchers showed participants erotic videos of two men and two women and monitored genital as well as subjective arousal. But they also included scenes of a man having sex with both a woman and another man, on the theory that these might appeal to bisexual men.

The researchers — Jerome Cerny, a retired psychology professor at Indiana State University, and Erick Janssen, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute — found that bisexual men were more likely than heterosexuals or gay men to experience both genital and subjective arousal while watching these videos.

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah and an expert on sexual orientation, said that the two new studies, taken together, represented a significant step toward demonstrating that bisexual men do have specific arousal patterns.

“I’ve interviewed a lot of individuals about how invalidating it is when their own family members think they’re confused or going through a stage or in denial,” she said. “These converging lines of evidence, using different methods and stimuli, give us the scientific confidence to say this is something real.”

The new studies are relatively small in size, making it hard to draw generalities, especially since bisexual men may have varying levels of sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to partners of either sex. And of course the studies reveal nothing about patterns of arousal among bisexual women. The Northwestern study included 100 men, closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals. The study in Archives of Sexual Behavior included 59 participants, among them 13 bisexuals.

The new Northwestern study was financed in part by the American Institute of Bisexuality, a group that promotes research and education regarding bisexuality. Still, advocates expressed mixed feelings about the research.

Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, a Minnesota-based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.

“It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said. “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know. It’s insulting. I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’”

Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort.

“This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,” Ms. Ruthstrom said. “Researchers want to fit bi attraction into a little box — you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual. That’s nonsense. What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.”

Despite her cautious praise of the new research, Dr. Diamond also noted that the kind of sexual arousal tested in the studies is only one element of sexual orientation and identity. And simply interpreting results about sexual arousal is complicated, because monitoring genital response to erotic images in a laboratory setting cannot replicate an actual human interaction, she added.

“Sexual arousal is a very complicated thing,” she said. “The real phenomenon in day-to-day life is extraordinarily messy and multifactorial.”

I still say it's just a layover on the way to gay town. For a while my ex claimed to be bisexual but if he was, wouldn't he have been equally attracted to me too? He did have a threesome with a couple, but it was only to get at the husband, not because he was that interested in the wife. And lest you think I'm jumping to a conclusion, he admitted as much in an email to one of his gay buds where he bragged about the conquest.