A Kindred Soul

I had lunch a few days ago with a kindred soul -- another straight wife I met in my town.  After I invited her to lunch, I had a bit of panic because I wasn't quite sure where to start or even what mine or her expectations were.

But once we got through the formalities of ordering and settling into a booth, it was as if she knew just the right things to say.  She's been divorced about five years and was married for about thirty years.  She shared her story briefly with me and then let me share mine.  With every statement I made, she'd nod or agree. 

She UNDERSTOOD!  She'd lived through the betrayal and hurt.  She'd been lied to and had her trust destroyed.  When I said that sometimes the situation just overtakes me out of the blue and I wonder how I ended up like this, she shared that she'd often find herself on the sofa in a sitting fetal position just staring at the television.

What a feeling of validation!  Over her objections, I'd paid for her lunch, and after our discussion, I felt like it was worth every penny because I got as much from our talk as I do from a session with my therapist.  Don't get me wrong, my therapist is terrific.  But my lunch friend has lived what I've lived.  And that's the only way anybody will understand what I've been through.  EVAH!

Have you had the opportunity to sit down and talk with another straight wife?  If not, Bonnie Kaye has an opportunity coming up in September in Philadelphia.  I can't go, but you might want to see about attending if you can.  You can email her and get more details.  Her website is on the resources page of this site, and her contact info is there.

Where Were You?

I'm a great fan of country music, and last week I was listening to Alan Jackson's song "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning."  It's a tribute to the victims and heroes of the disaster on September 11, 2001.

As I listened to the first line of the song, my mind substituted some different words -- words that reflected my feelings and emotions of my own disaster.  And tonight I worked out an alternative lyric to the song that I hope you can relate to.

I'll post a video of Alan Jackson singing his terrific song and below that I'll post my altered lyrics.  Some of the last part are his exact words.  I'll put those in italics to give credit where credit is due.



Where were you when the world stopped turning when you learned he was gay?
Were you at the computer with email and Facebook
And you had no idea what to say?
Did you sit there in shock at the sight of his lies
Staring from the computer screen?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your family
Or did you just sit down and scream?


Did you weep for your children who would not understand it
Or pray it was all just a joke?
Did you ask why you’d suffered from such a betrayal
And sob til you thought you would choke?
Did you burst out in tears for the hurt you were feeling
And the anger that had filled you inside?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
For why this man had cheated and lied?


[Chorus:]
I'm just a woman of simple means
Who trusted with all of her heart
I thought I knew the man I was with
Now I don’t know just where to start
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love


Where were you when the world stopped turning when you learned he was gay?

Please feel free to comment about where you were and how you found out your husband is gay. Trust me when I say that talking about it helps a lot. You don't have to put your name. You can post anonymously and no one will know it was you.

I'll start. He left his email open and I saw a series of messages between him and another man. They were very sexual in nature and completely inappropriate for a married man.

Pardon me while I puke

I saw this on the Facebook page of a gay man who's in a relationship with another gay man.

Falling in love is easy, but STAYING in love is something very special!

The only problem is, they both fell in love while one of them was married to a woman. Now that woman is out on her own, struggling to build a new life for herself and wondering if she'll ever be able to forget the betrayal. She has doubts about whether she will be able to trust another man again.

Her gay ex, however, has never missed a beat and keeps house with his male partner who, according to the neighbors, scandalizes the neighborhood by doing yard work in hot pants.

It seems the gay boyfriend is ten years younger and blond. So you see, wives of straight men aren't the only ones left for a younger model.

I doubt either will ever take responsiblity for the hurt they've caused, the devastation they've left in the wake and the embarrassment they've caused the older man's grown children, not to mention his ex-wife.

The woman knows her ex-husband is sorry -- the sorriest piece of trailer park white trash she's ever seen.

But the bigger question is this: Is he remotely sorry he behaved like a whore?