Coming Soon

Feedback from a blogger

WARNING!  The link below is NOT safe for work!

Two weeks ago I blogged about another blog where a gay man married to a straight woman talks about doing the right thing. 

He and I have emailed back and forth a few times and last Thursday he posted about me and about Bonnie and Doug's book.  He's even said my blog has made him consider the straight wife's point of view, especially when she's been blindsided by the news her husband is gay and cheating.

So I'm finally beginning to think this blog might be accomplishing something and is worth the effort. 

I've also created a little more publicity for Bonnie and Doug's book.

And because he put a link to my blog on his sidebar, my hits have skyrocketed.

Such is life in the blogosphere.

Trending now

I use Yahoo as my Internet home page, and when I logged in this morning, I saw that the #1 topic in Yahoo searches was "Fran Drescher."



Click on photo to enlarge

I had a really good idea what this was going to be about, but I clicked on the link to make sure.  I was right.

Click on photo to enlarge

According to Bonnie Kaye, there are over four million women in the United States who are married or have been married to gay men.  And in the majority of those cases, things didn't end well.

So why is our suffering the topic of a sitcom?  I've already ranted about this before.  But I'll rant again.  I wish Fran Drescher no personal harm, but I sincerely hope this TV show is a miserable flop.  It sickens me that so many straight wives are struggling financially while Ms. Drescher and her gay ex-husband will be making money from this show. 

It's also a sad commentary that the American public finds this humorous.  It makes me weep for the future of mankind.

A New Book About Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages

From Bonnie Kaye and Doug Dittmer:

OVER THE CLIFF:  Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages

Finally a self-help book that guides gay husbands to understand why and how to come out to their wives...

Millions of gay men throughout the world find themselves in marriages to women because they didn’t understand their homosexuality when they got married. Most of them took their sacred vows with honorable intentions because it was the “right thing” to do according to religious, family, and societal pressures. They hoped in their hearts that loving their wives and children would make those nagging attractions to men fade and eventually go away. As hard as they try to be “straight” by living a “straight life,” in time it just doesn’t happen. No amount of therapy, counseling, or love for a family can change a man’s sexuality. Sadly, many of these gay men spend years of their lives feeling confused, guilty, trapped, and unfulfilled.


For those men who are living a double life, the prolonged staying in a marriage can last for years because they just don’t know how to leave. They have real fears that keep them stuck in the quicksand feeling paralyzed to make a move. Some of these fears include: What will the repercussions be? How can I walk away from my family? What about hurting my wife? How will my children look at me if they know I am gay? Will they hate me? These are all difficult questions that need meaningful answers.


Over the Cliff - Gay Men in Straight Marriages addresses these issues through interviews with 16 men who faced making this decision. Their stories will definitely validate everything you are feeling and fearing. In addition, the book offers advice from internationally recognized straight/gay marriage counselor Bonnie Kaye as well as her gay male peer counselor, Doug Dittmer, who also helps both men and women in their pursuit for understanding how to move past the pain of these marriages. Dittmer, a gay man previously married to a woman, has worked with Kaye over the past five years to help the hundreds of men who come to her for help annually. Dittmer identified 16 men whom he has worked with and had them agree to share their stories with you through candid conversations and interviews that he conducted. In addition to the stories from these men, Kaye and Dittmer give you their own insight based on years of counseling/coaching experience which provides a road map for best practices in the coming out process and gives guidance for future family unity and support when the marriage dissolves. This includes an overview of the grieving process that the wives go through following the marriage to help the husbands as they move ahead.


This book is also a valuable read for straight wives to explain why their husbands married them and to help them understand why their marriages failed. Through the stories of the gay husbands, women will understand that they are in no way responsible for their husband’s homosexuality or the deterioration of the marriage. So many questions that have never been answered before are addressed here through the honesty and candidness of the men in the interviews. For those wives who are unsure or stuck in their own denial, this book will serve as the eye-opener they need to accept the situation in order to move on in their lives.

In paperback or e-book format.

When I first learned my ex was gay, I immediately went to the Internet to look for information -- ANYTHING to help me understand why this had happened and why it had happened to me.  When I found Bonnie Kaye's website and the twice-weekly online support chats, I knew I'd hit paydirt.  In the chats I met other women who were questioning their lives, their marriages, their choices, their sanity.  I finally knew I wasn't alone .  Other women had gay husbands too.

Since that time two years ago, Bonnie has begun co-hosting a talk radio show on Sunday nights along with Misti Lynn Hall, who is a therapist specializing in straight wife coaching.  Like Bonnie, Misti was also married to a gay man.