He thinks I have issues

I've lately begun to interact with some gay married men who have blogs.  It's no secret that I harbor less than positive feelings for gay men who marry straight women.

Before you click on the next link, BEWARE.  It is not safe for work.

One of the bloggers referenced my blog in a recent post of his. 

Maggie is an ex-wife of a gay man. She has an interesting blog..but, obviously, has "issues" with regard to closeted married men who are gay/bi. You're blog entries are littered with comments questioning other blogs like mine about the sexuality of the writers. You are, understandably, biased toward men coming out to their wives. That doesn't make your blog wrong or anti-male. It's just written from a life full of your experiences.

My hope is that with the input of others, whether they're guys or girls, that we can all learn from each other here. I am not without faults or biases..and I don't think any of us are.

True.  I do have issues.  And here's my comment to him.

Hi, BLM. Maggie here. Yes, I have issues with married gay men. I learned after 35 years of marriage that my now ex-husband was gay and had been screwing his way across America on business trip for four years. And when I was out of town, he did it in our bed. He knew he was gay when he married me. He knows the difference between right and wrong and chose to commit adultery. He admitted in numerous emails to other people that he would imagine I was a man when we had sex so that he could perform. I hafta tell ya, that really does a number on a girl's self-esteem. Over half my life was spent with a man who imagined he was screwing another man. When I found out, I didn't go running to our kids or his family. I simply told him I wanted a divorce. He chose to make it ugly. He did eventually come out to the kids. Funny thing is, the older one had found his dad's gay porn stash when he was a teenager and had to keep his dad's secret all those years. Would YOU like to be a teenage boy who learns his father is gay?

We're both entitled to our thoughts and opinions and attitudes. I can tell you, though, when your wife finds out -- and trust me, she will -- it probably won't be pretty.

Cameron posted on his blog about a terrific book. It's called Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages by Bonnie Kaye and Doug Dittmer. It might be worth your while to read it since I do truly believe you want to do the right thing.

I still have to ask this question:  If he's bisexual, why are there no photos of naked women on his blog?  There are only men, which begs the question,  is he really attracted at all to women?

Feedback from a blogger

WARNING!  The link below is NOT safe for work!

Two weeks ago I blogged about another blog where a gay man married to a straight woman talks about doing the right thing. 

He and I have emailed back and forth a few times and last Thursday he posted about me and about Bonnie and Doug's book.  He's even said my blog has made him consider the straight wife's point of view, especially when she's been blindsided by the news her husband is gay and cheating.

So I'm finally beginning to think this blog might be accomplishing something and is worth the effort. 

I've also created a little more publicity for Bonnie and Doug's book.

And because he put a link to my blog on his sidebar, my hits have skyrocketed.

Such is life in the blogosphere.

A New Book About Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages

From Bonnie Kaye and Doug Dittmer:

OVER THE CLIFF:  Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages

Finally a self-help book that guides gay husbands to understand why and how to come out to their wives...

Millions of gay men throughout the world find themselves in marriages to women because they didn’t understand their homosexuality when they got married. Most of them took their sacred vows with honorable intentions because it was the “right thing” to do according to religious, family, and societal pressures. They hoped in their hearts that loving their wives and children would make those nagging attractions to men fade and eventually go away. As hard as they try to be “straight” by living a “straight life,” in time it just doesn’t happen. No amount of therapy, counseling, or love for a family can change a man’s sexuality. Sadly, many of these gay men spend years of their lives feeling confused, guilty, trapped, and unfulfilled.


For those men who are living a double life, the prolonged staying in a marriage can last for years because they just don’t know how to leave. They have real fears that keep them stuck in the quicksand feeling paralyzed to make a move. Some of these fears include: What will the repercussions be? How can I walk away from my family? What about hurting my wife? How will my children look at me if they know I am gay? Will they hate me? These are all difficult questions that need meaningful answers.


Over the Cliff - Gay Men in Straight Marriages addresses these issues through interviews with 16 men who faced making this decision. Their stories will definitely validate everything you are feeling and fearing. In addition, the book offers advice from internationally recognized straight/gay marriage counselor Bonnie Kaye as well as her gay male peer counselor, Doug Dittmer, who also helps both men and women in their pursuit for understanding how to move past the pain of these marriages. Dittmer, a gay man previously married to a woman, has worked with Kaye over the past five years to help the hundreds of men who come to her for help annually. Dittmer identified 16 men whom he has worked with and had them agree to share their stories with you through candid conversations and interviews that he conducted. In addition to the stories from these men, Kaye and Dittmer give you their own insight based on years of counseling/coaching experience which provides a road map for best practices in the coming out process and gives guidance for future family unity and support when the marriage dissolves. This includes an overview of the grieving process that the wives go through following the marriage to help the husbands as they move ahead.


This book is also a valuable read for straight wives to explain why their husbands married them and to help them understand why their marriages failed. Through the stories of the gay husbands, women will understand that they are in no way responsible for their husband’s homosexuality or the deterioration of the marriage. So many questions that have never been answered before are addressed here through the honesty and candidness of the men in the interviews. For those wives who are unsure or stuck in their own denial, this book will serve as the eye-opener they need to accept the situation in order to move on in their lives.

In paperback or e-book format.

When I first learned my ex was gay, I immediately went to the Internet to look for information -- ANYTHING to help me understand why this had happened and why it had happened to me.  When I found Bonnie Kaye's website and the twice-weekly online support chats, I knew I'd hit paydirt.  In the chats I met other women who were questioning their lives, their marriages, their choices, their sanity.  I finally knew I wasn't alone .  Other women had gay husbands too.

Since that time two years ago, Bonnie has begun co-hosting a talk radio show on Sunday nights along with Misti Lynn Hall, who is a therapist specializing in straight wife coaching.  Like Bonnie, Misti was also married to a gay man.