Decoding the lingo

On the Resources page, I list a number of gay dating sites frequented by married gay men.  They use these websites to search for and hook up with other men.  My ex-husband used several of them, and when I found his accounts, I had to decode the lingo used by the gay population.

Here's an example of a headline from one man's listing: 

Discrete, DDF For Safe Fun

So what does it mean?  DDF means Drug and Disease Free.

Here's another:

Looking for NSA fun, no PNP or LTR.  Into watersports and poppers. 

NSA means No Strings Attached.  PNP is "Party and Play," which means drugs are involved.  LTR is a Long Term Relationship.  Watersports has nothing to do with a swimming pool and everything to do with urine.  I'll quote from Wikipedia with regard to poppers.  "Poppers is a slang term for various alkyl nitrites inhaled for recreational purposes... and are often inhaled with the goal of enhancing sexual pleasure." "Inhaling nitrites relaxes smooth muscles throughout the body, including the sphincter muscles of the anus.... It is unclear if there is a direct effect on the brain. Smooth muscle surrounds the body's blood vessels and when relaxed causes these vessels to dilate resulting in an immediate increase in heart rate and blood flow throughout the body, producing a sensation of heat and excitement that usually lasts for a couple of minutes. Alkyl nitrites are often used as a club drug or to enhance a sexual experience. The head rush, euphoria, and other sensations that result from the increased heart rate are often felt to increase sexual arousal and desire."


Remember that scene in "Something's Gotta Give" where Keanu Reeves asks Jack Nicholson if he's taken Viagra because he's getting ready to administer nitro glycerine? These two drugs don't mix well because both affect blood pressure and the combination can be deadly.

Poppers are in the same drug class as nitroglycerine and many gay men use Viagra, Cialis and other drugs for erectile dysfunction. They are setting themselves up for disaster. Poppers are often sold in sex shops and marketed as liquid incense or even vinyl cleaner.   If you find a small brown bottle that looks like this in your husband's belongings, he's using poppers.  The bottle is only about 2-3 inches tall.

Men will refer to themselves as bottoms, tops or versatile.  A bottom is the anal receptive partner and is the one most at risk for HIV.  A top is a man who plays the traditional male role in the sex act.  Versatile means a man will take either role.

But remember that these men lie in their profiles.  They've lied about being gay, so why would you expect them to be honest about their age, the size of their genitals, their marital status or whether they have HIV.

I'll give you a sad example.  While posing as a gay man on one of these sites and messaging back and forth with my ex, I asked why he didn't have an HIV status listed in his profile.  His reply was that people lied all the time so he just didn't include it in his profile.  "All I can tell you," he said, "is I tested negative in April 2009."

What he neglected to mention is that he tested positive several months later.

Questions?  Leave them in the comments section and I'll do my best to answer them.