DADT

Thankfully, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military is gone. It's over and done with. Now I don't expect that every gay soldier will come out immediately, but it's surely a good start for everyone. Gay and lesbian soldiers don't have to hide anymore. They can be who they are -- who God made them. And for that, I'm truly glad.

But Kiri Blakely, a writer for the Forbes website, had a very good post about another aspect of DADT. Here's her article:

Now that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has been repealed in the military, gay servicemen and servicewomen can no longer be discharged because of their sexual orientation. This allows them to tell friends, family, and colleagues about their orientation—should they choose to do so. Some already have.

One American soldier stationed in Germany, who had previously only videotaped himself from the neck down for an anonymous video log, has come out -- out to his father, mother, comrades—even his girlfriend.

His father told him: “I will always love you. This doesn’t change our relationship.” (No word on what the girlfriend had to say.)

Unfortunately, not all men and women are following his lead. Many people still choose the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy in their personal life. Take this ad, posted tonight on Craigslist’s Men for Men section (and slightly toned down here): “GF [girlfriend] left town and I’m looking for a hot safe time. Very discreet and masculine white bi guy looking to *** with a similar bud. Totally *** up and open, safety and discretion are key.”

Here’s another, very typical, one: “Married good looking hot stud here looking for some fun while in town.”

I hate to break it to these guys but there is no “safe time” or “fun” for the women who love them, trust them, are planning their futures with them, and possibly are home taking care of their house and children. It’s not “safe” and “fun” for those women emotionally, financially, psychologically, and not even physically. There are venereal diseases that can be spread even with the use of a condom—including the Human papillomavirus or HPV.

I would also say to these men, if they don’t want to think of their wives and girlfriends, to think about themselves. Why are you doing this? What kind of life do you want for yourself, constantly living in the shadows of lies and suffering the fear of being discovered? Even if she doesn’t discover it, which she probably will, why do you want to live a double life?

Millions of women and men who find themselves in mixed-orientation marriages and relationships have turned to networks like Straight Spouse Network and Straight Wives for emotional support. I can tell you firsthand that these men and women, and their children, are devastated when they discover their significant other was lying to them and cheating on them.

I understand that you may be scared, or ashamed, or humiliated, or simply not want to be gay. But at least, in that case, be single!

Or, you can be brave. Just like that soldier who came out today.

Kiri is a straight spouse too, so she's writing from experience. Actually, she has a book about her experience -- Can't Think Straight: A Mixed-Up Memoir of Love. I think many of us can relate.

So to all the married guys on the downlow, BE BRAVE. Stop with the lies and do the right thing by your wife.