Tuesday, May 1, 2012

But he's married!

Last Sunday night, Bonnie Kaye shared from this website on her radio show.

Married Gay

There's a wealth of information there for the wife who thinks her husband might be gay. It's worth checking out if you have doubts. I am one of the millions of women in the United States who discovered her husband was gay. I never had a clue, and even looking back in hindsight, there wasn't anything specific I could put my finger on that would have made me suspect before I found hard evidence. He was simply a good liar.
Too bad his nose didn't grow like Pinocchio's. It would have made things so much easier. Even after admitting he was gay, he still tried to gaslight * me and make me think I was crazy. Thankfully I had enough evidence that I didn't fall prey to his attempts. I stayed the course and pursued a divorce. It wasn't an easy path to take, but it was the best one. I could not remain married to a man who has so little respect for me and who found it so easy to act in such a dangerous and reprehensible manner.

And speaking of Bonnie's radio show, it's a terrific resource too. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, you can find an archive of past shows. She has men and women who come on the show to share, and yours truly has also called in a few times to talk about my experience.

* From Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations. In those works a character uses a variety of tricks to convince his spouse that she is crazy, so that she won't be believed when she reports strange things that are genuinely occurring, including the dimming of the gas lamps in the house (which happens when her husband turns on the normally unused gas lamps in the attic to conduct clandestine activities there). Since then, it has become a colloquial expression that is now also used in clinical and research literature.


  1. Maggie, thanks for sharing your story. I just found out that my 20 yr long-term relationship has been a lie. Like you, I had no idea until I read some of his email & found out he was looking & posting on Craigslist for men to hook up with. I think it's sick.

  2. Hey, I think my ex-wife posted that. ^