The Beard?

As seen online...


Actress Reese Witherspoon has shown an ability to act in many genres, but she’s often remembered for her successful romantic comedies. Films such as Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, and Just Like Heaven have shown her to be a proven draw in the genre, and so she’s lined up for one more.


Hollywood.com calls Reese Witherspoon’s newest project, The Beard, “a Sexually Incompatible Rom-Com.” Witherspoon will star and co-produce the film, but not too much is known about it just yet. But as Access Hollywood points out, the term beard when applied to a woman usually denotes a girl who poses as the lover of a secretly gay man. Hollywood.com, however, adds that Witherspoon could just as well be playing a lesbian who pretends to be straight, as the term can be used both ways.

In fact, The Beard could bring about a new take on a genre in desperate need of a fresh idea. Instead of the standard formula (girl meets guy, false pretense, girl falls in love, confusion ensues, epic chase scene, happily ever after), the film could involved platonic relationships between members of the opposite sex. It could deal with the heartbreak of one person being in love but orientation being the thing that keeps the other from reciprocating.

Interesting.

But he's married!

Last Sunday night, Bonnie Kaye shared from this website on her radio show.

Married Gay

There's a wealth of information there for the wife who thinks her husband might be gay. It's worth checking out if you have doubts. I am one of the millions of women in the United States who discovered her husband was gay. I never had a clue, and even looking back in hindsight, there wasn't anything specific I could put my finger on that would have made me suspect before I found hard evidence. He was simply a good liar.

Too bad his nose didn't grow like Pinocchio's. It would have made things so much easier. Even after admitting he was gay, he still tried to gaslight * me and make me think I was crazy. Thankfully I had enough evidence that I didn't fall prey to his attempts. I stayed the course and pursued a divorce. It wasn't an easy path to take, but it was the best one. I could not remain married to a man who has so little respect for me and who found it so easy to act in such a dangerous and reprehensible manner.

And speaking of Bonnie's radio show, it's a terrific resource too. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, you can find an archive of past shows. She has men and women who come on the show to share, and yours truly has also called in a few times to talk about my experience.

* From Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations. In those works a character uses a variety of tricks to convince his spouse that she is crazy, so that she won't be believed when she reports strange things that are genuinely occurring, including the dimming of the gas lamps in the house (which happens when her husband turns on the normally unused gas lamps in the attic to conduct clandestine activities there). Since then, it has become a colloquial expression that is now also used in clinical and research literature.

Bigger Country, Bigger Numbers

From China Daily

Bonnie Kaye estimates that in this country over 4 million women are married or have been married to gay men. I suppose it's only logical that when you increase the population, you increase the number of straight wives.

Getting married is supposed to be the happiest day for any couple as they start life together as man and wife, but for many it is the beginning of a secret hell as they slowly discover their partner's true feelings.

"The best time of life has been ruined," a woman who was married to a gay man said in a show focusing on homosexuality produced by China Central Television.

She is just one of the millions of women leading a fake heterosexual lifestyle and living with mental anguish in China.

An estimated 16 million wives in China are married to gay men, the Guangzhou Daily reported Thursday, citing Zhang Beichuan, an expert in homosexuality and a councilor at the China Sexology Association.

The majority of male homosexuals are believed to enter into heterosexual marriages due to Chinese traditions and carrying on the family bloodline, the paper said.

"Most wives did not know their husbands were gay when they got married," said Li Bai, a divorced wife of a gay man.

According to the 2005 show "In the name of life", about 90 percent of gays in China get married without revealing their true sexuality to their wives due to the pressure of traditional social concepts, which leads to many unhappy marriages.

"I loved him and did not know he was a gay when I married him," a woman said in the show.

To protect their privacy, many women choose to endure their faux marriages and pour out their woes on the Internet.

"What Can I do? It was 20 years into our marriage that I found he was gay," a blogger in Chongqing named "Bingyusuoxin" said on her micro blog. "I know I should get divorced, but what about our kids?" The woman said she had to keep the truth from her family.

Many women still hide in dark corners and stay helpless, said an online organization for women who are married to gay men. Some are still suffering pain and shame.

According to tongqijiayuan.com, a non-profit website offering psychological consulting and legal assistance to wives of gay men, more than a thousand women have become registered members to complain about their marriages and seek for help.

"We hope more parents will know about the stories of women who marry gay men and do not push their children to marry someone they don't love," said Wu Youjian, president of a Guangzhou-based grassroots organization for parents and friends of homosexuals.

Encouraging homosexuality?

A commercial showing members of wildly popular all-girl band AKB48 passing bite-sized candies seductively from mouth-to-mouth is under fire in Japan for encouraging homosexuality.

The advertisement, which aired in March, shows the school uniform-clad young women -- all in their late teens or early 20s -- intimately exchanging the sweet, with the close-up footage slowing as their lips near.

A broadcasting standards watchdog said Thursday the majority of the 116 complaints it had received in March about commercials concerning young people related to this advert.

"The commercial may encourage homosexuality," one of the complaints said, adding "oral flora" was also a concern, according to the Broadcasting Ethics and Program Improvement Organisation.

"I don't want to see commercials like this," said another correspondent, who also complained of a music video by the group "in which girls, including teens, hug each other in their underwear.... It is very distasteful".

AKB48, one of the world's highest grossing acts with more than $200 million in CD and DVD sales last year, have become a phenomenon in Japan and other parts of Asia over recent years.

With a total of around 90 all-female performers, ranging in age from early teens to mid-20s, their bubblegum pop and synchronised dancing has proved a huge hit with pre-pubescent girls.

Running the gamut from girl-next-door to sultry temptress, the band also has a substantial male following -- many of whom are older -- who support a vast merchandising industry.

A spokesman for UHA Mikakuto Co. which makes the sweets, said the reaction to the TV ad, which aired for 10 days to March 25, had been mixed.

"We received complaints about the ad, but there are many people who enjoyed it," said the spokesman, who declined to be named, adding a survey of viewers had ranked it the fourth most popular commercial at the time.

The commercial and a "making of" video, can be seen on the UHA Mikakuto's website at www.akb48cho.jp/cm/index.html .

Well yeah, I can think of more tasteful ways to advertise candy. But get a grip. This doesn't encourage homosexuality anymore than Paul Newman movies encourage blue eyes. In a world filled with real problems, folks don't need to waste time on trivialities like this.


Here's the ad just so you can judge for yourself.

The Gay Agenda

First, let's discount all the rat bastard gay husbands/wives and ex-husbands/wives who did us wrong.

That leaves the decent gay men and women about whose agenda everyone seems concerned.

In a nutshell, here's the gay agenda.

That's it.  Simple, huh?  So why does everyone make it complicated?

Springing back

Spring has sprung in these parts and I hope it finds all of you doing well.

I had a strange thing happen today.  I haven't checked this blog or the email affiliated with it for months.  I've been too busy dealing with other junk.  And for some reason I checked the email account this morning.  There was a message sent yesterday.  A message from a woman going through the gay husband thing and not wanting to share all until I responded.

I don't know if any of you believe in God, but I do.  I'm blessed to belong to a church that at its core believes in being inclusive and in justice for all.  My church has many gay and lesbian members, all of whom are good, honest people who believe in a Jesus who died for their sins (not one of which is being homosexual).  But I digress.  I'm thinking God tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "Check that email account."

I can't promise I'll blog as much as I used to.  I have a lot more going on now -- involvement at church, a job, and just stuff in general.

Also, the yo is swinging down.  You know about yo, don't you?  Sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down.  Three years ago I was learning about my ex-husband's affairs and preparing to ask for a divorce, somthing I'd never, ever imagined possible -- affairs or divorce.  And pretty soon, what would have been my wedding anniversary will come up. 

Someone at church shared a few weeks ago that they'd just celebrated their 54th anniversary.  Later, a friend asked if hearing that made me feel bad.  I had to be honest with him and told him it did because it reminded me I'd never have a golden anniversary celebration.  But I was quick to add that I'd never want anyone else to NOT share their good news because of me.  I'm truly happy for that couple.  They are living examples of what true Christians are.

So... how's YOUR yo?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Seasons Greetings, Happy Holidays!

Whatever you celebrate, I hope it is wonderful for you.

And for all the straight wives out there, may 2012 be a better year for you.  Keep your head held high, try to maintain a positive attitude, plug into the resources available to you and move forward in your new life.

Blogger on haitus

From Australian Marriage Equality.

Shocking, huh?  (insert sarcasm here)



Reader Question

I had an email from a reader who told me about her gay husband situation.  While circumstances may vary, we all share the same hurt and betrayal and that sickening feeling of disbelief.  We ask ourselves how we didn't see this before.  We boil with anger.  We may try to bargain with the gay spouse, asking him to change or even with God, asking Him to make the spouse straight.  Or we may turn away and shake an angry fist at God for allowing it to happen.

Many of us have children by our gay spouses, and the issue of children just muddies water that's already cloudy.  The reader I referenced earlier posed the following question to me after disclosing that her daughter had journaled about seeing her father kissing an older man but won't go to counseling or talk with her further.

"...how did you feel about your son keeping the secret of his dads porn stash from you...hence, more years were stolen from you than was necessary."

 I was never angry at my son for not revealing he'd found out his dad's secret.  He was just a teenager, and that's not a subject you broach with either parent.  He found himself in an untenable position and he did what he thought was best.

The anger I have is directed directly at my ex-husband -- anger for lying to me, anger for putting his son in that untenable position, anger for lying again about the reasons for our divorce, anger for making his family believe I'm the bad guy in all this, anger, anger, anger.

This frequent, and sometimes all-consuming, anger is the topic of many of my therapy sessions.  Many people say I should just forget it, forgive him and get over it.  My answer to that?

BULLSHIT!

I cannot simply forgive what I consider the ultimate betrayal.  I cannot simply forgive lying to my children.  I cannot simply forgive putting my son in that untenable position and possibly negatively affecting any relationships either of my sons may have.  Our marriage was the foundation of their childhood, and now they know it was just a lie.

Please do not comment and tell me that as a Christian I should forgive unconditionally.  I cannot do that.  It would give him a bye for his lies and cheating. 

This, too, is something my therapist and I have talked about many times.  And she, who is also a Christian, is in complete agreement with my stance.  Forgiveness without an apology ain't gonna happen.  What I HAVE done is accept that my ex will never apologize and  never accept responsiblity for his behavior.  And with that acceptance has come a dose of peace.

So back to the reader's question...  I feel so bad for my son that he had to be put in that position, that he had to know for over half his life that his dad was gay (I pray he never knew anything about his dad's sexploits), that he had to watch his mother move from her home and head out into the world as a single person.

But I hope that he's proud of me for the stronger woman I've become.  I strive to be an example of Christian living for him and his brother and also for my grandchild.  I want her to look at her grandmother and think, "My grandma is a class act."

 

 

Decide for yourself.

DADT

Thankfully, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military is gone. It's over and done with. Now I don't expect that every gay soldier will come out immediately, but it's surely a good start for everyone. Gay and lesbian soldiers don't have to hide anymore. They can be who they are -- who God made them. And for that, I'm truly glad.

But Kiri Blakely, a writer for the Forbes website, had a very good post about another aspect of DADT. Here's her article:

Now that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has been repealed in the military, gay servicemen and servicewomen can no longer be discharged because of their sexual orientation. This allows them to tell friends, family, and colleagues about their orientation—should they choose to do so. Some already have.

One American soldier stationed in Germany, who had previously only videotaped himself from the neck down for an anonymous video log, has come out -- out to his father, mother, comrades—even his girlfriend.

His father told him: “I will always love you. This doesn’t change our relationship.” (No word on what the girlfriend had to say.)

Unfortunately, not all men and women are following his lead. Many people still choose the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy in their personal life. Take this ad, posted tonight on Craigslist’s Men for Men section (and slightly toned down here): “GF [girlfriend] left town and I’m looking for a hot safe time. Very discreet and masculine white bi guy looking to *** with a similar bud. Totally *** up and open, safety and discretion are key.”

Here’s another, very typical, one: “Married good looking hot stud here looking for some fun while in town.”

I hate to break it to these guys but there is no “safe time” or “fun” for the women who love them, trust them, are planning their futures with them, and possibly are home taking care of their house and children. It’s not “safe” and “fun” for those women emotionally, financially, psychologically, and not even physically. There are venereal diseases that can be spread even with the use of a condom—including the Human papillomavirus or HPV.

I would also say to these men, if they don’t want to think of their wives and girlfriends, to think about themselves. Why are you doing this? What kind of life do you want for yourself, constantly living in the shadows of lies and suffering the fear of being discovered? Even if she doesn’t discover it, which she probably will, why do you want to live a double life?

Millions of women and men who find themselves in mixed-orientation marriages and relationships have turned to networks like Straight Spouse Network and Straight Wives for emotional support. I can tell you firsthand that these men and women, and their children, are devastated when they discover their significant other was lying to them and cheating on them.

I understand that you may be scared, or ashamed, or humiliated, or simply not want to be gay. But at least, in that case, be single!

Or, you can be brave. Just like that soldier who came out today.

Kiri is a straight spouse too, so she's writing from experience. Actually, she has a book about her experience -- Can't Think Straight: A Mixed-Up Memoir of Love. I think many of us can relate.

So to all the married guys on the downlow, BE BRAVE. Stop with the lies and do the right thing by your wife.

She Doesn't Know

If this wasn't so true, it might be funny. I didn't know either. Is it a coincidence that a song about men on the downlow has that bass-heavy club beat?

She Doesn't Know by Hussy Cowboy

Dr. Drew's Take

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/09/05/exp.drew.gay.politicians.hln?hpt=hp_mid

I can't imbed the video.  You'll just have to click on it and watch it at the CNN site.

There's some very interesting stuff here.

These men dictate laws and change people's lives.  They lead secret lives, condemn gays and lesbians yet are gay themselves.  It's time they started suffering from their own poor legislation like the rest of the GLBT community, don't you think?

Coming Soon

In Remembrance 9-11-2001

So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

Martin Luther King,  August 28, 1963

9/11 Memorial Pool at the site of the World Trade Center in New York City

And the Bible Tells Me So

This fabulous clip from the TV show "The West Wing" illustrates beautifully how fundamentalists pick and choose which verses of the Bible to adhere to. The quite obvious nod to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, whose Ph.D. is in physiology, not psychology is priceless.

Here we go again

From the Huffington Post

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — A Puerto Rico lawmaker has resigned following reports that explicit photos of him surfaced on an iPhone application for gays and bisexuals, the head of the U.S. territory's Senate announced Sunday.

Sen. Roberto Arango, a Republican who represents the capital of San Juan for the island's governing party, presented his letter of resignation after a weekend meeting, Senate President Thomas Rivera Schatz said.

Schatz did not release the lawmaker's letter, but said the circumstances that led to the resignation "are very lamentable."

Local news media published photos from the application showing a man's nude upper body with a cell phone obscuring his face. Another photo showed a rear view of a nude man on his hands and knees. Another showed a fuzzy image of a face that seemed to match Arango's.

Arango has neither confirmed nor denied suggestions by local media that the photos might be of him and apparently was not asked if he had posted them. During a recent interview with WAPA TV in Puerto Rico, the senator said he has taken pictures of himself with a cell phone to document his recent weight loss.

"I really don't remember having taken those pictures of myself, but it doesn't mean I didn't take them," he told the station. "I really don't remember."

Arango did not return calls Sunday.

A graduate of Louisiana State University and a food importer before turning to politics, he was chairman of a business council for the national Republican Party and municipal director of the Republican Party in Puerto Rico, according to his Web page for Puerto Rico's Senate.

Pedro Julio Serrano, founder of the gay rights group Puerto Rico for Everyone, said Arango voted in favor of Resolution 99, a proposal that would block any attempt to permit same-sex marriages in the U.S. territory. He also helped block a measure to ban sexual discrimination in the workplace and opposed adoption rights for gays.

"This isn't a moment to kick someone when he's down, but I have to denounce Sen. Roberto Arango's complicity with a fundamentalist agenda that promotes the exclusion and marginalization of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people," Serrano said Sunday.

Local news media said that the pictures first appeared on an iPhone application for gays and bisexuals and that they themselves later received copies from unidentified sources.

In recent days, Puerto Rican Gov. Luis Fortuno had said that if the man was indeed a legislator, he should resign. That echoed the sentiments of other lawmakers, including local House Speaker Jenniffer Gonzalez.

You'd think these lawmakers would learn that a ticket on the hypocrisy train is a very costly one. It's usually one-way and goes straight to hell.

I Don't Bi It

From the NY Times

No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist
By DAVID TULLER
Published: August 22, 2011

In an unusual scientific about-face, researchers at Northwestern University have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, sexually aroused by both women and men.

The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005, also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”

That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.

In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.

They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.

In both studies, men watched videos of male and female same-sex intimacy while genital sensors monitored their erectile responses. While the first study reported that the bisexuals generally resembled homosexuals in their responses, the new one finds that bisexual men responded to both the male and female videos, while gay and straight men in the study did not.

Both studies also found that bisexuals reported subjective arousal to both sexes, notwithstanding their genital responses. “Someone who is bisexual might say, ‘Well, duh!’” said Allen Rosenthal, the lead author of the new Northwestern study and a doctoral student in psychology at the university. “But this will be validating to a lot of bisexual men who had heard about the earlier work and felt that scientists weren’t getting them.”

The Northwestern study is the second one published this year to report a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal among bisexual men.

In March, a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior reported the results of a different approach to the question. As in the Northwestern study, the researchers showed participants erotic videos of two men and two women and monitored genital as well as subjective arousal. But they also included scenes of a man having sex with both a woman and another man, on the theory that these might appeal to bisexual men.

The researchers — Jerome Cerny, a retired psychology professor at Indiana State University, and Erick Janssen, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute — found that bisexual men were more likely than heterosexuals or gay men to experience both genital and subjective arousal while watching these videos.

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah and an expert on sexual orientation, said that the two new studies, taken together, represented a significant step toward demonstrating that bisexual men do have specific arousal patterns.

“I’ve interviewed a lot of individuals about how invalidating it is when their own family members think they’re confused or going through a stage or in denial,” she said. “These converging lines of evidence, using different methods and stimuli, give us the scientific confidence to say this is something real.”

The new studies are relatively small in size, making it hard to draw generalities, especially since bisexual men may have varying levels of sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to partners of either sex. And of course the studies reveal nothing about patterns of arousal among bisexual women. The Northwestern study included 100 men, closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals. The study in Archives of Sexual Behavior included 59 participants, among them 13 bisexuals.

The new Northwestern study was financed in part by the American Institute of Bisexuality, a group that promotes research and education regarding bisexuality. Still, advocates expressed mixed feelings about the research.

Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, a Minnesota-based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.

“It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said. “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know. It’s insulting. I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’”

Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort.

“This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,” Ms. Ruthstrom said. “Researchers want to fit bi attraction into a little box — you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual. That’s nonsense. What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.”

Despite her cautious praise of the new research, Dr. Diamond also noted that the kind of sexual arousal tested in the studies is only one element of sexual orientation and identity. And simply interpreting results about sexual arousal is complicated, because monitoring genital response to erotic images in a laboratory setting cannot replicate an actual human interaction, she added.

“Sexual arousal is a very complicated thing,” she said. “The real phenomenon in day-to-day life is extraordinarily messy and multifactorial.”

I still say it's just a layover on the way to gay town. For a while my ex claimed to be bisexual but if he was, wouldn't he have been equally attracted to me too? He did have a threesome with a couple, but it was only to get at the husband, not because he was that interested in the wife. And lest you think I'm jumping to a conclusion, he admitted as much in an email to one of his gay buds where he bragged about the conquest.

How Can I Forgive You?

Copied from Janis Abrams Spring


HOW CAN I FORGIVE YOU?

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To

Forgiveness has been held up as the gold standard of recovery from interpersonal injuries. We have been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. In real life, however, hurt parties often find that they can’t or won’t forgive, particularly when the offender is unrepentant or dead.

In How Can I Forgive You?, Genuine Forgiveness is reframed as an intimate dance, a hard-won transaction, which asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party. Offenders will learn how to perform bold, humble, heartfelt acts of repair to earn forgiveness, such as bearing witness to the pain they caused, delivering a meaningful apology, and taking responsibility for their offense. Hurt parties will learn to release their obsessive preoccupation with the injury, accept a fair share of responsibility for what went wrong, and create opportunities for the offender to make good.

When the offender can’t or won’t make meaningful repairs for the damaged caused, Dr. Spring proposes a radical, new alternative to forgiveness – a profound, life-affirming, healing process called Acceptance. This can be accomplished by the hurt party alone. Ten concrete steps for healing the self are described.

Everyone is struggling to forgive someone. This book will help you rise above a violation, repair the rupture within yourself, and consider forgiving the partner, parent, in-law, sibling, child, friend, or significant other who has hurt you. For those of you who have wronged someone else, it will offer you concrete steps for earning that person’s forgiveness – and your own.

Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, How Can I Forgive You? addresses such critical questions as:

*Is forgiveness good for us?
*How do we forgive someone who shows no remorse? How do we heal ourselves?
*How can we overcome our obsessive preoccupation with the offender and get on with our lives?
*Why should forgiveness be the job of the hurt party alone? Shouldn’t the offender be asked to make good?
*When is forgiveness cheap? When is it genuine?
*What makes for a meaningful apology?
*Why is it so hard to apologize?
*Why is it so hard to forgive?
*Are some injuries simply unforgivable?

“We are all social beings, all vitally interconnected, and we are validated and redeemed when others provide a soothing balm to our wounds and work to release us from the pain they have caused us. Healing, like love, flourishes in the context of a healing relationship. I would go so far as to say that we can’t love alone, and we can’t forgive alone.”
– from How Can I Forgive You?

Praise for How Can I Forgive You?


“If you are struggling with issues of betrayal – or the challenge of whether and how to forgive–here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject.”
—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“A fresh and original approach to an ancient challenge. A clinically informed guide for the offender and the offended. How Can I Forgive You? should be read by us all.”
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want

“Finally a book has been written that teaches couples how to make genuine forgiveness a reality without rushing toward a superficial peace. This book can help couples construct a marriage that never existed before, one based on deep understanding and trust.”
—John Gottman, Ph.D., author of The Relationship Cure

“This book is a treasure trove for anyone who has ever felt betrayed or hurt in a personal relationship. Dr. Spring cuts through all the cliche’s surrounding forgiveness and views it within a broad spectrum of common relationships – mother-daughter, father-son, student-teacher, husband-wife. We owe her a debt of gratitude for this enlightened and penetrating view of a universal human dilemma.”
– Peggy Papp, M.S.W., author of Couples on the Fault Line

“This book is a treasure – practical, authentic, illuminating, and wise. It’s like a breath of fresh air that puts forgiveness in a new and revealing light and provides clear steps to turn wounds into wisdom.”
– Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind and Inner Peace for Busy People

“Clear, insightful…a thoughtful exposition on the nuanced role of forgiveness in relationships that goes beyond the average self-help book.”
—Publishers Weekly

At a therapy session shortly after I learned my husband is gay, I said to my therapist, "I supposed one day I'll have to forgive him." Having been raised a Christian, I'd been taught about forgiveness and turning the other cheek. But I was quite surprised by the answer that came from my therapist who is also a Christian.

"Do you?" she asked.

And with that she introduced me to this book. It completely turned my thinking around and I went from, "I suppose one day I'll have to forgive him" to "I'm not letting him off the hook that easily."

If you are struggling with the concept of forgiveness for a spouse who has betrayed you terribly, you may want to read this book and ponder the concepts the author proposes.